What in the world am I gonna do?!

Ugh why does life have to be so complicated? lol I broke up w/ Nate. It sucks. Like I'm glad because now I feel like I will have more time w/ God and for school and everything feels good. Then, I see him, and my heart melts, like one of those huge sticks of butter when you stick in the microwave after only 30 seconds! lol Seriously, how can I not? I love everything about him, as you can tell from previous blogs. I'm just trying to figure out how I move on from here? I want to be w/ him in the future I just know neither of us is ready for this relationship yet. I honestly believe we would have the best relationship and family ever. I know because we already did. We still have never fought or argued. which I mean it's only been like a month so thats not THAT big of a deal, but I dunno I just care about him so much. I don't like to see him sad. I know if I was on the other end I would be really upset too. But we both need to see this as an opportunity to grow as well so that we CAN be w/ each other in the future. I miss him when he's away, but when I'm with him, I am scared. Because my heart pounds like it's about to explode I just want to hug him so tightly and never let go. I want him to know how much I care about him. But I think it is hard for him to understand because I broke up with HIM... I hope that we can get passed this depression we both are undergoing right now, so that we can have fun together like normal... :[