mannnnnnn

I just got done reading Nathan's blogs. Ugh you have no idea how bad it hurts me to not be w/ him. Especially when I read how much he cares about me. It makes me feel like crap!!! If I could do anything, My one wish would just be to make him smile, and be happy and if that would require him forgetting me. I would want it to be that way... As hard as it is for me to say that its true. I just want him to be happy! I don't want him to be sad. Or feel like he is not good enough. He is my everything! I can't put into words what he means to me.... It's hard to get him to understand this concept concidering the circumstances, but it's true! Everything I have done with or for Nathan, I have done to make him HAPPY. and my heart like wants to be w/ him. But I know if I did, it would ruin a future for us. I feel like we both need this. I feel like if we were to stay w. each other both of us would drift farther away from God and school. I got really crappy grades lately on all the last few assignments and tests and quizzes that I have done. I know I could have done wayyyyyy better, but I didn't. I can't blame Nathan because it's not his fault I am so in love w/ him. But for my sake I need to mature and for his sake. What would happen if I never matured or got my priorities straight?! I would continue to just do things to make him happy and where would I be? I would continue to offer him things, that I don't have the option to offer and just say things to make him happy. errrrrrrr I'm just so full of emotions I'm just gonna explode...