Leaving Liberty...

I will miss Liberty so much. =[ I really like it here. I like the weather. I was hoping to see snow this year, but that doesn't look likely. =[ I am really upset about that. I really liked all my teachers this year, except my youth professor. Not so much that I didn't like him. I just didn't like his teaching style. He takes the whole class period talking about his personal experiences rather than going through the notes and everything in the notes is on the exam.. but he's mad because he didn't write the book up. It just frustrates everyone in class. I will miss my roommate, she is awesome. We joke around a lot and she is really sweet. We didn't have any problems this year, but she is kind of a passive person. So I dunno if I was the roommate she dreamed of. LOL. But I have to say I really enjoyed my first semester of College. It can only get better from here. It may get harder, no doubt. But it is awesome. I love Liberty and I am gonna miss all my new friends. Some girls on my hall just came by and knocked on my door to sing Christmas Carolls in their bra's [??] LOL. I swung open the door and I was like "I'M TRYING TO STUDY!!!!" and slammed the door in their face. LOL. they were shocked. Then I opened the door and I was like just kidding!! hahah

My High School English Teacher!

My High School English Teacher sucked!! LOL. Seriously she taught me NOTHING the whole freakin year. All we did was read Beowulf, watch the movie, and do vocab. We wrote one essay, but it was not graded by our grammar or punctuation just by the content or the fact that we did it. Mrs. Green taught me so much more this semester. She taught me more this semester than I have ever learned in any of my english classes about writing papers. I am really glad I had Mrs. Green this year because she takes time to talk with you about all your mistakes and why they are mistakes. I always had to have somebody else edit my papers. Now I get frustrated when people edit my papers because when I get them back I always find stuff that they missed and I'm like dang why didn't they say something about this. This is horrible! Haha. I think I have improved so much in my writing this semester. I really wish I could take 101 with Mrs. Green but she doesn't have a semester long class =[

CHRISTMAS CHEER

Well This Christmas is going to be the best. I get to go back to the orphanage!! I am soooooooooooooo excited! 3 weeks from today I will be on a plane on my way to Bolivia! I know I will miss Nathan and my Mom a lot. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE
THE ORPHANAGE AT CHRISTMAS!!! I went last x-mas and it was the best x-mas I have ever had in my life!!! Today in convo they were talking about the real meaning of Christmas. It's not about recieving, it's all about giving. I really realized that when I was in Bolivia last year. This year for Christmas I didn't ask for anything. I am probably just going to get some books. That's really all I want. I want to spend christmas w/ Nathan but that is just a present I am gonna have to miss out on this year =[ I hope I get to speak w/ him. Last year it was a little hard to get in touch and get a ride to a phone booth that was open but we eventually did. I miss Bolivia

What makes me special?!

I'm not writing this blog because I am cocky. Just because that is what this little writing prompt thing told me to write. haha. There are 3 things that make me special..1 is I am blunt. I don't sugar coat anything. If I feel like saying something it is bound to come out of my mouth and 9 times out of 10 I don't regret saying it. If you ask me if something is cute or ugly. I will tell you the truth. Sometimes I even tell people things when they don't ask my opinion, like when I see someones EAR WAX is building up and they need to clean their ears! LOL Secondly, I am crazy. I am a very outgoing person I like to have fun and act silly. I don't care who sees me because that is how I act in private as well. I'm not going to hide who I truly am just to impress someone else or make them think I am "normal" because I'm not! =D Thirdly, I am independent. I think all these characteristics are intertwined. I am a very independent person so I think that is why I am crazy, and blunt because I could call less whether people want to be my friend or not. I have friends and they like me for who I am. If I pretended to be someone else than they really wouldn't like ME. I don't mind going to the movies, or out to dinner by MYSELF. It just doesn't bother me. I enjoy good movies and good food. I don't need someone else there to make it better. sooooooo pretty much I am the greatest person ever!!! LOL JUST KIDDING

CONVOOOOOO

I love convo when we actually have a good speaker!! LOL. I like it when people preach rather than just come up and tell us their testimony. SO today's convo was good even though I have heard this sermon 4 times this semester. LOL. I swear I could preach Genesis 37-42 the whole way through... I have before too, to my dad [artie] this semester. But the speaker today put more of an emphasis on not giving up on your dreams. Never quitting, no matter what. In school, relationships, sports, etc.. I was just thinking about all the times I have quit. I am like the all time quiter. Only one time in my life did I stick with it and that was soccer, and I loved it! I wish I could just push myself like I did then, now! =[ I have had so many dreams, so many goals, yet I have accomplished none, nothing.. I want to play soccer whether it's intramural or for the school like I just want to play! I want to graduate from Liberty w/ a spanish teaching degree and get my masters! I want to go and work in an orphangage in Bolivia. I want to get married before or at least right after I graduate.. I NEED to wait to have kids until I'm about 28 and I have accomplished all these things so I will be financially stable and have time for my children! I want to be an outstanding woman of Christ. I want to glorify the Lord's name in everything I say and do! I want to be a godly example for my Husband and my children. I want to impact thousands of peoples lives for the name of Christ!

PEER EVALUATION

What are some things you missed? I missed a part in the intro. She had her thesis, instead of a thesis question. I missed personal pronouns and pronoun-antecedent agreement.
What do you need to look more closely at for your essay and your peers? personal pronouns and pronoun-antecedent agreement.
How did your peer review help you? Not a whole lot, but it did help.
What specific advice did he/she give and how did it impact your first draft? personal pronouns and some structure.
What grade do you thing he/she earned for his/her efforts and insight? mm probably an 80-85? It was a lot more verbal though than actually written down..

I feel like writing..pt 2

So anyways to get back on track at my original point about being confused.. My # 7 is Nathan, and I really hope this is my one and only and my last b/c I CAN NOT HANDLE ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP! [I probably shouldn't be putting this all online but I just gotta get all these thoughts out.] I'm just scared. like not even scared. I'm TERRIFIED. I'm so sick of getting burned. I'm so sick of pouring my heart and soul into something and then the person changes or becomes a psycho-path. LOL. I'm sick of in the beginning being treated like a princess only for a month or two later be treated like the scraps you toss down your garbage disposal. Like I put Nathan on this pedestal right, and this weekend it just fell to the ground and smashed into a thousand pieces. I'm not saying I lost love for him or that we are over. I am just saying I have my guard up now and I HATE IT. I absolutely hate it. Like writing this write now. I feel pain, agony, I feel like my heart was sitting on that pedestal when it smashed to pieces... I just feel like crying and never stopping but I have shed so many tears that I can't cry anymore. I want to trust, I want to love, FREELY. The thing that sucks the most is I can hear "I love you" a million and 1 times a day but until I see that. I won't believe it, not anymore. I need security to know that I am the only woman that matters in his life [except his mom, cause she rocks, well all his female family memebers are excluded lol] and I don't know if he can give that to me, and it hurts.. it hurts really bad..

I feel like writing..pt 1

Tonight is just one of those nights were you are so overflowing w/ emotions you feel like you could right a 300 page novel. LOL I have been majorly slacking in my academics and not pushing myself to my maximum capability. But, something is going on inside of me and I'm not sure what to feel or how to feel and I just really feel CONFUSED.. I have been in many relationships were I felt like I was "in love" about 6 I would say. Half of them were like puppy PUPPY love. like middle school sweethearts LOL. But half of them were pretty serious. I dated 1 guy on and off 2 years, of pure hell. But when you love somebody you don't care about the consequences you just can't help but love them. But he hurt me REALLY bad. The 2 one was 7 months, He was and is one of my best friends. I broke up w/ him b/c I was 16 and he wanted to like marry me ASAP. LOL. He was 19.. I reallllllly really hurt him. bad. to the point where he was not eating and when he did eat he would throw up. It was terrible but some how he saw past that later and now He IS married w/ a beautiful baby girl Gabby. and we are still BFF. the 3rd was the STUPIDEST relationship I have EVER gotten myself into. The whole relationship was long distance, We saw each other like 5 days a month and we dated for 6 months. By the 3rd month he started to annoy me so much w/ his ignorance I could have shot him!! NO LIE! But I didn't understand why I felt that way b/c I thought I liked him soo much. But in reality I didn't know him at all. So our 3rd month was really like our 3rd time seeing each other.. He kept fallin more and love and I just wanted to get rid of him! I tried to overlook things b/c sometimes I felt like I was too harsh, but then he got me a ring, and I broke up w/ him before he gave it to me. He went psycho threw it at me.. then 3 weeks later we started going to the same school [ Liberty] and he called the cops on me to get the ring back? yea.. PSYCCHOOOO LOL

Prayer groups!

Tonight we had prayer groups a little differently.. We went to starbucks. Originally we were suppose to go and talk there. But everyone had exams or big projects due so we just rushed in ordered and dipset. However, it didn't seem rushed. To be honest I was really dreading it and trying to come up w/ an excuse not to go.. LOL But I did anyways. I enjoyed myself. We were 6 girls in one volvo. one word; INTERESTING! haha I can be somewhat.. judgmental, especially w. girls. I think everybody is stuck up and all they care about is themselves so I run from "girlfriends". But I did have fun. I really have not liked one of my RA's this semester cause the few times we have talked she has been snappy and quiet frankly seemed rude. But tonight she came w/ us and she is pretty cool. I learned she actually has a heart! LOL I know that seems a little extreme but seriously.. she was like so rude to me in the beginning. She talked to me about my surgery and I dunno if she just felt bad for me or what? but she was nice for like 1 time the whole semester. LOL. I know I sound kinda mean, but you dunno her!! LOL

Feeling pretty..

GAY! This morning man, I just felt like crap. Have you ever had those mornings were you just wake up and you don't want the world to see you? This morning I had to finish up my Outline so I woke up @ 8. But I really felt like I have been looking like crap lately so I wanted to doll myself up. However, as I finished my make-up, got dressed and looked in the mirror. I thought to myself I will never be happy enough. No make-up, no clothes... they will not make me happy. Lots of girls hide behind this stuff to make themselves feel better. But in reality they feel like crap. The days when I look like a complete scrub are my favorite because I am so comfortable that I can just be me! But for whatever reason I have been feeling insecure lately and I wanted to "look pretty"... I got a lot of compliments today LOL. But all the compliments in the world won't make you feel better unless you believe you are truly beautiful. I went into EVAN today and it was pretty ironic that Mrs. Rose made us watch a kids cartoon basically explaining that God created us as individuals for a reason; on purpose. It was making a joke of all the people that buy this or that to make themselves look like everyone else, but that doesn't please God because if he wanted us all to look the same it would have been that way... I understand this concept. It's just a matter of applying it those days when you just feel... well.. UGLY! =D

Halloween..

I think this Halloween was the worst ever..It was so boring.. Usually every Halloween I go trick or treating. I didn't care how old I was. I would dress up anyway. Last year I dressed up as an angel and volunteered at our town mall giving out candy to kids. It was fun cause I worked w/ my friends. I remember when I was like 13, everybody thought we were too old then HAHA. I went trick or treating until I was 16 years old..yea It was fun though. I love halloween. I love dressing up like that. I'm gonna be one of those 45 year olds that still goes to costume parties haha. One Halloween I think I was like 9 or 10. I dressed up as Xena WARRIOR PRINCESS! hahahaha. I had it specially made by one of my moms friends lol It was the coolest costume I have ever worn. I love Halloween

Mi Nathan

Imagine if the pillow that I cried on was his chest
And the tissue that I wiped my face with was his hand
imagine if I needed advice about some other guy, He's the one that comes to mind
Not try’na tell nobody that he's just a friend
Just try’na make sure he's that body that I call my man
And anytime I need a shoulder, it’s mine night or day
Well, what I’m try’na say is..

I want him to be, the last number I call late at night
Said I want him to be, the first one that I dial when I open my eyes
Want him to be the one I run to, want him to be the one that ain’t gon' hurt me
I want him to be...

I want him to be the man makin' my girls jealous
Be the guy shuttin' down all the fellas
Whatever I need..
My soldier, My friend, or My lover
I want him to be my everything..

Have you ever been hurt by a loved one?

I think that is the worst kind! When the people you love the most hurt you...I think sometimes we hurt the people closest to us because we assume that they will always be there no matter what for us. Like at times I can be somewhat disrespectful to my mom because when we talk on the phone she always says it's really loud and she can't hear me. IT BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME! LOL I always get an attitude when she does that. But I'm gonna try to stop sometimes I just scream "I GOTTA GO!" because she annoys me so bad. But I love her, more than anything or anyone in this world. Yet I do that to her often..I really tried to NOT do it over this Thanksgiving Break because I realize how rude I have been sometimes but.. it didn't work out that well.. I did better, but not perfect LOL I feel really bad but sometimes I feel like I can't help it!! But the point of this blog is that someone hurt me.. someone that I am REALLY close with. I thought I could trust them, but it has brought to my attention that I can't.. It sucks. When you start trusting people. friends. boyfriends.family. Errr you just want to shoot em!!! LOL When people break your trust a few things go through your mind..1) Should I say something? 2) Should I stay quiet? 3) IF I say something, should I get angry 4) Am I able to stay calm? 5) Am I gonna cry if I talk about it? OR 6)SHOULD I NOT TALK TO THEM ANY MORE AT ALL?!?!... I am kinda asking myself all these questions right now, but I don't have any answers to them =[

Since I have come to Liberty

Since I have come to Liberty me and my dad have gotten closer. We talk a lot more often! and I love it! Me and my dad write each other e-mails every week or every other week. I have never talked to each other that often in my life other than before my parents seperated..which that really wasn't talking because I was 4 and under..My dad has become more like a dad. He writes me letters giving me advice about friends and choices I make about boys, and school. I like being able to talk to him about stuff like that. He just sent me some pics of my brother and my sister. My brother's football team went to the pee wee's super bowl LOL. It's so cute they are so serious about it. I like this pic of the team because my dad looks so happy he is the coach farthest to the right. These kids look like some beasts! hahah

Thanksgiving

In previous blogs I talked about how I wasn't really too happy about going home for the holiday.. However, now that I am staying with my mom I am happy to be home. My mom has a job now where we can spend more time together so I have gotten to spend a lot more time w/ my mom and I like it :D It's been a while since me and her just got to spend time together. My g-ma is coming over today and she is bringin all the dressings :D lol She is bringin green beans, ham, and mashed tators! I bought the pumpkin pie and whip cream :D I am so hungry right now my mouth is salivating typing this up. She obviously isn't here yet :[ but she will be soon. So I didn't have to go through bein with all my other fam this year. Thank the Lord. lol My family is just so mean, and I just got out of surgery, so I don't want to deal with them. I am suppose to leave this saturday at 7:30 which means I have to get up at like 5. annd tomorrow I am suppose to go shopping w. my mom soo i'm really excited about that :D!!!!!!!!

Surgery..:-] pt 2.

The nurse said "how do you feel?" and I said "it hurts". So she said she was going to give me sum pain medicine through my IV then I fell back asleep for a little bit and she asked me again and I said I can still feel it a little bit.. so she gave me some more. I kept going in and out. I felt like I hadn't slept in years.. Finally after 3 or 4 times of going back to sleep I woke up and asked the nurses for some water because my throat was soooo dry. Then they brought me over to a room close by and asked me to get out of the bed and get in this recliner to eat some crackers and drink apple juice. Then they gave me another pain pill for the ride home. My mom came in and I got dressed and they brought me a wheel chair and wheeled me to my moms car..I was soooooo tired even more so then cause of the pain pills but i was hungry too so we stopped at Wendy's :D I only got to eat half of the sandwich before i was out like a light! I then slept for 2 more hours.. I eventually had to wake up because my dogs kept trying to climb over me to get to my sandwich! But after all I still didn't have any pain really. It is awkward getting up and sitting down sometimes but not really painful.. I'm glad I had it done because I needed it! and God is good :D

Surgery.. :-\ pt. 1

I had to have surgery yesterday. I was sooooooooooooooooo scared LOL. Let me tell you what, I had never been more scared for anything in my life. I told everybody I knew to pray for me, even people who weren't christians.. LOL I wanted as much prayer as possible so that I would be okay. So I went in to the hospital at 10:06 am and I assumed we were gonna be waiting there forever because my appt. wasn't until 12. But nope! As soon as I got there they took me straight to the back. I had to get completely undressed and where this little hospital gown [so gay]. The lady told me to leave the front open and then a diff nurse came back to talk to me and started laughing at me because i put it on wrong.. LOL Anyways so then she started asking me all these medical questions and told me to take out my earings cause I was trying to wait until the last minute to take them out so they wouldn't close. Then they put the IV in my hand... I got lucky because they gave me a shot to numb my hand first. After the put the IV in, my mom got to come back and talk to me. We talked for a while and then I saw Dr. Shah and he asked me if I had any more questions before I went back and I told him no. So another nurse came by and said ok, I'm gonna give you the "happy stuff" now. The next thing I only remember was them movin me from that bed to a diff bed and I had to kinda roll over..Then the next thing I remember was waking up in a bed in a room where these two nurses were just chatting and I kept thinking as I was waking up is it over? How do I know if it is over? and I felt some cramps so thats when I knew..

Something I learned OUTSIDE of school...

One thing that I have to praise Nathan for is something that he taught me. Nathan taught me that worth of my body.. I have heard many sermons, read many scriptures, watched many public service annoucements, had many parental discussions, all about sex. However, Nathan is the only one that got through to me. Nathan has a HUGEEEE respect for himself, and women. Nathan has taught me to have respect for my body and to love myself for who I am! I think that is one of the reasons I love him soo much. No man has ever had a discussion w/ me and said things like that. Nathan also has talked to me about how I need to be shameless about my body. Not like displaying it for all to see... but He has taught me that I should love myself for who I am because I am beautiful inside and out. Nathan will forever be in my heart no matter where we are, what we become, or where we go... Man. How can someone make such an impact, in so little time. Nathan is amazing man. He really is. I think it took hearing it from an actual man, saying it to me and meaning it that really got into my heart and soul. If for some reason God doesn't want us to be w/ each other in the future.. Whoever he marries is one heck of a lucky gal....

mannnnnnn

I just got done reading Nathan's blogs. Ugh you have no idea how bad it hurts me to not be w/ him. Especially when I read how much he cares about me. It makes me feel like crap!!! If I could do anything, My one wish would just be to make him smile, and be happy and if that would require him forgetting me. I would want it to be that way... As hard as it is for me to say that its true. I just want him to be happy! I don't want him to be sad. Or feel like he is not good enough. He is my everything! I can't put into words what he means to me.... It's hard to get him to understand this concept concidering the circumstances, but it's true! Everything I have done with or for Nathan, I have done to make him HAPPY. and my heart like wants to be w/ him. But I know if I did, it would ruin a future for us. I feel like we both need this. I feel like if we were to stay w. each other both of us would drift farther away from God and school. I got really crappy grades lately on all the last few assignments and tests and quizzes that I have done. I know I could have done wayyyyyy better, but I didn't. I can't blame Nathan because it's not his fault I am so in love w/ him. But for my sake I need to mature and for his sake. What would happen if I never matured or got my priorities straight?! I would continue to just do things to make him happy and where would I be? I would continue to offer him things, that I don't have the option to offer and just say things to make him happy. errrrrrrr I'm just so full of emotions I'm just gonna explode...

What in the world am I gonna do?!

Ugh why does life have to be so complicated? lol I broke up w/ Nate. It sucks. Like I'm glad because now I feel like I will have more time w/ God and for school and everything feels good. Then, I see him, and my heart melts, like one of those huge sticks of butter when you stick in the microwave after only 30 seconds! lol Seriously, how can I not? I love everything about him, as you can tell from previous blogs. I'm just trying to figure out how I move on from here? I want to be w/ him in the future I just know neither of us is ready for this relationship yet. I honestly believe we would have the best relationship and family ever. I know because we already did. We still have never fought or argued. which I mean it's only been like a month so thats not THAT big of a deal, but I dunno I just care about him so much. I don't like to see him sad. I know if I was on the other end I would be really upset too. But we both need to see this as an opportunity to grow as well so that we CAN be w/ each other in the future. I miss him when he's away, but when I'm with him, I am scared. Because my heart pounds like it's about to explode I just want to hug him so tightly and never let go. I want him to know how much I care about him. But I think it is hard for him to understand because I broke up with HIM... I hope that we can get passed this depression we both are undergoing right now, so that we can have fun together like normal... :[

Thanksgiving break... :[

I am soooo not excited about Thanksgiving break. I don't want to go home AT ALL. I really wanted to spend Thanksgiving break w. Nathan and his family, but my mom booked my surgery for Thanksgiving so I have to go. I don't want to go because 1) I hate flying standby 2) I want to be w/ Nathan 3) I want to be w/ Nathan's family 4) I hate FL in Fall because it's so boring and ugly. 5)I don't want to have surgery and 6) My family is a bunch of PSYCHOPATHS!:D

Like you don't understand how much I don't like my family on holidays. Everyone is always argueing with each other and trying to prove each other wrong, or see who has more than the other person financially. It's like a contest to them, but in the end.. what does it really matter?? Honestly? What are they proving? to who? and why? Why can't they just spend the time loving each other and caring for one another? I do miss my grandma though. I think most of my family is going to my Papa's but really I would like to spend Thanksgiving w. my nanny... she is so sweet and kind. She is not like everyone else in the family. She understands me and supports me in everything I do. and I miss her. Which is weird because it didn't even cross my mind that I would.. but I now realize how much I was seeing her when I was home.

Saturday & Sunday

Saturday and Sunday seemed to kind of fly by and mesh together. Saturday Natjhan and I woke up pretty late, around 11 am and I got in the shower,went to the tanning bed, and got some milk for Nathan. Then, I swung by his dorm and picked him up to go to the game vs. VMI. We had fun at the game. We stayed there for most of it, but towards the end it got kind of chilly so we left. We had kettle corn there, it was soooo good. I love real kettle corn because they add salt and sugar which gives it this sweet flavor. Every year back home me n my mom go to the state fair JUST to have the kettle corn! haha. Anyways after the game Nathan and I kinda just searched for things to do to spend time together. Then Sunday we both woke up even later than the day before! We woke up at 12! We both were really upset because we wanted to go to church. So we went to breakfast and had eggs bacon and pancakes. It was pretty good, but not as good as we had hoped for. Then we were just searching for stuff to do again so we decided to do some homework together. We went up to the windgate hotel because it has an overhang that looks off all of Lynchburg. We like to go there sometimes to eat or just sit and talk because it is such a beautiful sight. We then played the game LIFE, which Nathan won for the first time haha. Then I had practice for this skit that I am trying out for coffeehouse. After that Nathan and I went to the movies again and saw No reservations which is also a movie about a chef. It was a really cute movie.

Friday

Sooo I spent Friday night w/ my boo DUHHH lol after class I planned on doing some homework by myself; however, I was captivated by Nathan's charm so much that I could not resist spending time with him. We went to the dollar movie theater and saw Ratatoullie. It was a cute movie about a rat that longed to be a professional cook. After the movie Nathan and I went to my favorite restaurant in Lynchburg, Pueblo Viejo. They have the best mexican food ever. It was fun because I got to talk to the waitor in Spanish. Then he started TRYING to talk to Nathan, but nathan just looked over at me, puzzled. The waitor asked Nathan if he thought I was beautiful, and if I was his girlfriend. I had chimichanga's w/ beans and cheese. They also always serve you chips and dip. They have this mayonaise based sauce that they serve with salsa, It is soooo good! It is Nathan's favorite. But it later gave me and Nathan really bad gas! Haha.

Before there was Liberty..

High School really sucked for me. I hated the fake people, the drama, and the stupid USELESS work we did. I got pretty good grades in High School A's and B's. I always tried to get straight A's but I guess didn't try hard enough. I would always have like all A's and 1 stupid B! lol But then we had stupid tests like FCAT and SAT and ACT's errr I did soooo terrible on them! I hate test's like these. Because of my low scores, I thought I wasn't smart enough to come to a University. I had planned on staying home and going to Edison, a community college about 7 minutes from my house. But then I met my ex, Darren, and he convinced me that he too had really bad grades and he was doing fine here. Which I found out at the end of the semester he failed almost everyone of his classes so that really wasn't true. But anyhow by that time I had already told myself I was going to Liberty and had all my financial check-in done and classes set up. So I came to Liberty all worried about the work and what kind of grades I was going to get. However; I have been busily studying and doing all of my work to the best of my ability so I have all A's right now and one STUPID C! lol It's in Old Testemant. I really like the class and learning its just a lot to remember when tests come around. But I really do like it even though the first week of school I hated it lol. But I am really glad I came here because I am doing really well. I need to have more confidence in myself. I am smart girl and there is nothing that I can't accomplish if I whole-heartidly put myself to it!

The drive-in

I love drive-ins. Don't you? I went to a couple back home in Florida. We use to have one, but I think about 2-3 years ago they tore it down. I was highly dissappointed. However, this weekend I got to go to one again. I was speaking with Nathan's mom friday night about things to do in P Mt., NC. and she brought up the fact that they had a drive-in movie theater not to far from there. So we decided to go out and see a movie saturday night around 8:30. We had planned on it just being Nathan and I but as soon as his younger sister Jazz heard we were going she wanted to come along as well. Right when we hopped in the car Nathan told me he she wanted to go but he told her no. So I got out of the car and told her to come on. We had a lotta fun. We had like absolutely NO CLUE what was gonna pop up on the screen but we went anyway. It ended up being that new Bee Movie. At first I was like oh great, how gay. I hate cartoons or animated stuff but it was cute and funny. We laughed at all the stupid jokes they added into the movie. Afterwards they annouced that the food stand was open and I wanted some food but it was too cold so we decided to go to Nathan and I's favorite place to eat, "The Cookout". Oh my goodness it is sooooo good. I love the cookout lol The have the best fries i have ever eating in my life! and Sweet Tea!! mmmmmhmm lol

Frustration...

So I'm just a little frustrated right now. lol. I just foung out I have 2 exams next week and a presentation due. So that is just blessed. In addition, this morning I had a quiz in GNED on a reading I had no clue about; I wrote it in my planner, but I never opened it. So that was equally as blessed. ummm I have a essay and 2 exercises to do for my english class tonight. 2 chapters to read in my youth book and 2 chapters to read for O.T. annnnd a bunch of new spanish words to learn. OH AND I have two witness reports I need to fill out for next week and 2 verse quizes. So ya know the Lord is just rich in his blessings this week. haha I have been trying to read more of my devotionals a day and exercise but now all that is down the drain concidering I will be working like a dog the next 2 weeks! And then on top of that I am having surgery the week after all of this haha how fun!!!! Then 2 weeks after that I am leaving my boyfriend for 6 months because I am moving to Bolivia sooooooooooooo I am just really excited man. NOT. I feel like an elephant is playing jump-rope on my heart. Sooooo I'm just going to take a BIG HUGE GI-NORMOUS BREATH OF AIR and smile and say everything is gonna be ok. :D

I CAN'T HELP IT!!

You know there are many things in life that you try to fight so hard. Lots of times they are the things you are absolutely against and you tell yourself "I will never do this" or "I will never do that.." But then one day that all changes.. Your walls drop and your find yourself spinning. In the beginning of the semester I told myself I was going to be single, that no matter what I wouldn't date anybody. Now I find myself falling in love with this incredible man. It's like he grabbed a hold of my heart and I just couldn't hold myself to it. I tried breaking up with him lol but it didn't really work out. Everyday that goes by I love him more and more. It seems way to soon to be feeling this way and I don't want to get on this "love high" and then it dwindle down after a couple months. I want to love him forever. I want to know what that word means. I love everything about Nathan. He is such a gentleman. His mom raised him well. Granted, sometimes he is lazy and wants me to do stuff for him. lol but that's a typical man. I'm sure if he was willing to do everything for me too I would always ask him to do stuff for me instead of me ever getting up. And he does do a lot for me. I have noticed during the past weeks that he does more and more for me everyday. I don't just love him for his random acts of love, or they fact that he says the words. I love the person I am with him; carefree and happy. We can have so much fun together. We laugh at the stupidest, randomist things, but I love it. I love how much we have in common and the fact that we can spend like 5 hours together and then call each other on the phone and talk for another hour only getting off the phone because we have to get up early in the morning... I love the way when I see him my heart skips a beat or the fact that sometimes when I think about how much I care for him I feel like I have a 50 lb. weight on my chest. lol I know to most people that's not a good feeling to have but he makes me speechless and at the same time I want to say so much that the words can't come out fast enough. He makes me feel like skipping, and dancing at the same time. Some of the things HE says just make me almost faint just because I am blown away with his character. I think I am done for now because I am starting to have heart-palpitations lol

Four wheeling with Nathan

We finally got to go four-wheeling but we couldn't ride on anything but the road because Nathan's dad didnd't want us getting it "dirty"? lol Um but we still had fun. We drove up and down the roads near his house. Only to get chanced by crazy dogs and run over a baby snake (on accident). Nathan started crying because it was pretty cold outside and his eyes couldn't handle all the cold wind. We stop and took some pictures together and some picture of the scenery. I had fun holding onto him as we flew by the houses.Afterwards Nathan and I explored his property and walked by the creeks and into the woods a little bit. I was really scared because the day before his mom had shown me 2 black widows that his dad caught by the water. But Nathan now being my brave hero now, he made me feel safe (haha). I love spending time with Nathan doing stuff like this because it is something we both enjoy. I cant't wait to go fishing with him though. It is most likely that I will not be able to go fishing with him until I return from Bolivia because it is so cold now.

This Sunday w/ "my super hero"

This weekend was very um eventful... lol Well Sunday was like the highlight of the weekend. We have wanted to go four-wheeling for the past month now, but Nathan's dad was like procrastinating charging the battery because he didn't want us to ride it. However, this sunday he finally went out to the garage and started to charge it. As he was in the garage I decided to uhmm make some "nachos" lol My mom use to always broil tortilla chips with cheese in the oven for a few minutes so they would be crunchy and dip them in salsa. well while I was preparing the salsa Nathan started talking to me and distracted me, but then the phone rang so Nathan answered it. and I remembered the nachos in the oven. So I ran over to the oven as I saw smoke coming from the top of it, I flung open the oven and screamed to Nathan as I saw that the nachos were on FIRE!!! hahah it was funny, but not really funny... Nathan turns into my super hero as he grabs a hand towel and rushes to the oven grabbing the pan running outside with it. The flames flew higher, as Nathan began to fan the fire. He eventually realized that wasn't working and ran in the house to grab a cup of water, As I stood in the kitchen with my jaw to the floor in awe of what just had happened, it finally went out. I glanced up at my prince charming and chuckled at the thought of how silly it was.

Public vs. Private

i think there is a huge difference between public schools and private christian schools. In grades k-12 I was in public school and now I attend a private christian university. There is a huge difference in the education, responsibilities, and spirituality. The teachers in public school seem to not be as challenging as private school teachers because the majority of the kids in public school don't care and act up in class. As a result, the students who want to learn aren't learning to their full potential. In addition, in public schools there is no structure, or morals. There are rules, but they are rarely enforced by anyone.Their campuses allow drinking, smoking, no curfew, or any rules about movies, or PDA. In private schools it is very strict and there are many more rules. For example, no watching rated R movies, no PDA besides hand-holding, no cursing, strict dress-code, and a 12 o' clock curfew. Also, there is a big division between spirituality in public schools and private schools. In public schools spirituality is looked down upon. They laugh at Christians and say things like "Oh, she's a goody-good." The also tend to bring Christians down, or tempt Christians just to see what they really believe. Many times this results in sin. On the contrary, in a private Christian school Christians are encouraged daily about their faith and are supported in fighting temptations in many ways. Not only do they support your faith they have many outreaches in order for you to demonstrate your beliefs to others.

FL vs. VA

There are a lot of differences between FL and VA like the scenery and the people. In FL, the weather is usually rainy, or humid in the fall. In VA, the weather is windy, and cool. In FL, the terraine is very flat, with lots of trees. In VA, the terraine is high, and has lots of mountains.

Supervisors

I have had many different jobs and at all of them I have had completely different types of supervisors. My very first job I had a very bad supervisor. I had only worked there a month and the 45 year old cook tried to kiss me in the freezer and he wouldn't leave me alone so I told my boss about it and he didn't do anything about it. After that, the cook intentionally messed up my food and always cooked it last. Finally, I broke down and started crying and the boss started yelling at me! Of course, I quit. Another job I worked at I had started out having managers that were really strict, but they left and the new manager I got was awesome. He too was strict; however, he liked to joke around with his employee's and made sure we had a good time at work. He made work fun to go to. Even to this day I go back and have good conversations with him.

This weekend

Ahhh! This weekend was soo relaxing. Seriously, I wish I was back in NC right now! Friday, We got there at like 7:30 cause we had stopped in Greensboro to see Nathan's sister, Daniel. I really love it at his families house though. When we got there they had chicken, green beans, corn, and biscuits for dinner. OH MY GOSH! IT WAS SOOO GOOD! lol. That night we had fun just relaxing watching tv and hangin out together. It's so nice to get off campus and just hang out together and relax. Like there is no where on-campus where we can just relax together. It sucks. But yea then Saturday we woke up and drove like 20 minutes just to go to waffle house, lol it was really good though! then we did some homework and got ready to go to A&T's Homecoming concert, it was tiiiieeeeeeghhhhttt. lol in the beginning I was kinda shy, and nervous to like dance around Nate, and I wanted to loosen up, but by the time I started really diggin the music all I could think about what big fluffy beds, and the feeling of my insides eating away at itself cause I was so hungry lol. I really enjoyed LiL Wayne though. That was really cool, I had never been to a concert like that before and I'm really glad I went. I was so tired though that as we left, I had to have Nate drive cause I knew I wasn't going to make it back to the house safely. I propped my feet up and crashed. I really liked it though because as we were drivin back I kept dozin in and out but everytime I woke up Nate was looking at me, or he would grab my hand, or put his arm around me. I don't think he realizes how much those little things mean to me, but they do. I think it is sooo sweet. Or like when I wake up in the morning and he tells me I'm beautiful.. I could just melt in his arms! lol

I wish I was older!!!

I love this topic, it's so funny to me. I can remember birthday after birthday.. some years, even ON my birthday.. I would be like yes! I can't wait til next year when I'm ... years old! lol I think it started when I was like 11... I was dating a guy that was 13.. ahah I thought I was so cool. But I couldn't wait until I was 13, 12 was a awkward year because its like in between 11 (your really young) and 13 ( when you start to go through puberty). Then when I was 13 I thought, I am still young.. I will know I'm older when I'm 15.. then 15 came and I couldn't wait til my 16th birthday! My 16th birthday sucked. I was in Ohio with a boyfriend and he didn't even get me a cake, or a card.. he got drunk and passed out while I had to take care of him! 17 was awkward because I felt like I was pretty much grown anyway but i still couldn't be concidered an adult because I wasn't officially 18.. But when I turned 18 I was like dang I'm getting so old! lol now, I think I am done with birthday's til my 21st b-day at least lol. I told myself on my 18th birthday every birthday after this I am gonna be 18 again until the year 2009 I will be just strangely turn 21 lol

My pet peeves...

There are a couple things about other people that really bother me. One, the fact that people hate to be real and would rather make someone feel good by telling them the words they know that person wants to hear instead of telling them what is really on their mind. Two, Hygene. I think it is totally gross when people don't brush their teeth twice a day, clean their ears, and take a shower when they stink ( I know it seems like common sense but some people are just NASTY! haha). Three, cleanliness. Some people like just plain don't care. I am not the cleanest person ever when it comes to cleaning to be completely honest, but I know when something has gone too far. Some people realize when they have made a big mess, but others just don't care. Or what really erks my nerves is when they diliberately go out of there way to NOT clean. Four, ignorance. People who argue with you, just to be right when they know they are wrong. A lot of people think this is also common sense, when your wrong just admit it, don't keep argue... but some people really can't do that! Ugh I think this bothers me the most because I really get angry, like I just want to smack them! Five, liars! Ughhhhhh I hate liars, I guess this includes the first and fifth pet peeve I mentioned but Man! when you lie to me, I lose it! I can no longer calm myself down and be reasonable. I either cut that person off completely or pretty much curse them out! haha. But I think that about sums it up for now...

A good laugh.

This weekend while I was in NC, Nate and I had a great time together. We have so much fun, cracking jokes, tickling each other, and just making each other laugh at random things. If you see Nate and I walking down the street most likely we will be laughing or have a really big smile on our faces. This weekend Nate tried to tickle me almost every second we were together. He thinks it's soo funny! Also, I had a lot of fun Friday night. We stayed up pretty late and we were talking about movies. We were talking about the movie the 40-year-old virgin. Ahahahaha. That movie is hilarious! We also talked about Napolean Dynamite. I love the fact that Nate and I get each others jokes. I was laughing so hard as we discussed these movies that his mom walked in a couple minutes later and said "You guys are still up?!" It was like 6 in the morning.. haha I love Nate, he's the best :P

Quiet an unpleasant experience...

So this summer I worked at Rib City. I USE to eat their food... Until one eerie day, haha. I was at work and we got these new sweet potato fries. I had tried them before and they were really good. But this one day my friend Crystal and I shared some, But I had eaten a salad previous to that. My stomach was rumbling a little bit but I just figured I was hungry or it was gas pains. Well about 3 hours later we were closing down the store and I had to literally run to the bathroom. I had the worst diarrhea of my life. I had to go to the bathroom like 3 times before I left work that night and I was starting to feel nauseous. So I got home and about 30 minutes later I was throwing up all the food I had eaten. I spent the next 24 hours throwing up everything I had aten and drank. I woke up every hour on the hour that night, even when I had nothing left in my stomach to throw up. I never ate sweet potato fries or our salads EVER again.

What's your favorite place to be?

Other than Bolivia, Mine just happens to be where I am at the moment...Nathan's House... I love the way it smells when you walk in. The scent of dinner that has been freshly prepared for Nathan by his mother Felicia. I think what is so cute is how their whole family is .... well a family. I have never had that atmosphere. The way him and his sister fight. The look on his mother's face when he walks in the house. All the hobbies and interests his family has like fishing, four-wheeling, art, his mother's love for animals, his fathers love for "kuntry-kookin", haha. The neat-ness of their home. Where there home is... Pilot Mountain, NC.. well the country type of home lol not this exact city... I dunno Nathan is really catchin my heart. Dispite the fact that he continually puts me down about every 5 seconds.. Just looking at him now, I realize what a fat head he has... juuuust kidding babe! lol hahaha No but he really is amazing, sometimes he takes my breath away. Sometimes I want to shoot him, but most of time he takes my breath away. lol I think we could have such a exciting life together. He's so.. everything I want. It really sucks that I am leaving soon but it's all in Gods plan, I suppose.

Paragraph evalutation #2

There is a pretty big difference on my outline and first draft. I added transition words and a little more detail. In draft #2, I only changed a few errors because the person checking my paragraph didn't give me advice on content, but just gave me advice on some punctuation errors. I think comment is great but I think we need more than one person to review our work because not everyone in the class has the knowledge to grade it. I still think my paragraph could be a little more interesting or better. I just don't know how. I spent about 20 minutes revising my drafts.

What memories do you wish you could make dissapear?

I have a couple. One would be the memories I have of all the negative things my dad has said to me. Another would be past relationships. I guess I wish both of those things had never happened, but they wouldn't make me into the person I am today. So I can't say I regret them, but I would say that I wish those memories would dissapear. I guess over time, well, I hope over time they will slowly start to dissolve of how vivid they stick out in my mind. Lots of bad things happen to people, whether they are good or bad. However, we have the freewill to choose to dwell on those things, or move on. I prefer to try to move on. Which, I have been starting to ever since I came to Liberty and God is working with me too on this so we will see where I am in the next couple years! :D

Do you have keepsakes?

I do. I have a lot of things that I keep, but probably shouldn't. They just take up A LOT of space in my room and my closet, haha. Um Like I have a box full of pics of all my crushes and ex-boyfriends including letters and roses. I think its really cool. I started it because I wanted to look back on old boyfriends and laugh, but I dunno now that I think about it, it's really silly. I also have stuff that I know I could never give away.. Like my mom has bought me almost everything I have except for a couple of outfits or pieces of jewelry but still there are a lot of things, trinkets that she has bought for me that i could NEVER throw out. Like I have this ballerina that is in an easter egg and you wind it up and it opens and plays music and on the front it says dance like no ones watching. I love it, and it means so much to me. i danced for like 4 or 5 years of my life and I had so much fun doing it and my mom knew that. My would always say dance like no ones watching and I will never forget that.

There are seven days in a week...

I'm gonna tell you how I feel about certain days of the week because I feel like, everyday has a theme or a way that it goes, everyweek no matter what is happening.
Monday is a day where all you want to do is sleep and lay around. Mondays = Lazy day. Tuesday, Tuesday is the day of the week were you wish it was thursday because you wish Friday was closer. Tuesdays = a day of dreaming. Wednesday, Wednesday is a day that goes by pretty fast, it's the point where you start to realize hey this week is going by pretty fast, I'm half way there! Wednesdays = a day of speeding. Thursday, Thursdays are great, they go by fast, and you usually don't have any homework.Thursdays = a night of play. Friday, Fridays are usually peoples favorite day but i think they go by slow because you can't wait until your last class is dismissed. Fridays= a day like molasses. Saturdays are my favorite, Most saturdays Nathan and I watch a DVD and hang out all day AND we get to sleep in! Saturdays= a day of rest. Sunday, Sundays are nice, but repetitive, you have church lunch, nap, and dinner. Sundays= a day of repetitiveness.

Where do you hide?

For me, there are lots of times when I like to "hide". I like to hide from a lot of things, but mostly I hide from people. There are sometimes in my life when I have so much going on that i just like to relax and think to myself. Or sometimes when I just don't want to think at all. I think that is the best part about being here at Liberty. There are so many places for you to think and contemplate things, ideas, or just to have some QT with God. This place is beautiful and my hiding place would be at the top of a mountain. I like to gaze into the sunset and think of all the things that have happened that day just to wind down. or have a quiet time with God. I dunno what it is about gaizing over peaks into the horizon that just gives me a sense of peace, of hope for beauty.

Where was everyone else?

You know those times where you just feel so alone... I remember this one time specifically. I was in 11th grade and the guy that I had been bestfriends with for 2 years started getting serious with his girlfriend and finding less time for me. I was very jealous, especially when I found out he was moving in a month, to Mississippi, with her. School got boring, and so did my life in general.I got a new job and started hanging out with some new friends. I thought it was great and I started doing all these drugs and going to the clubs on school nights and at the time it felt great. Until I stopped doing the drugs for a week and realized how alone I was. I was surrounded by people all the time, but they really weren't there for me, neither did they care about me. It really sucked. and I haven't done drugs since then. Praise the Lord. :D

So Nathan and I are back together... lol

Um I can't help it. I dunno why I felt the way I felt about the whole situation but I did anddd now we are back together and .... He's amazing. Nathan is really special to me and I really hope that it works out for the long hall because we have so much in common. Really.. like fishing, traveling, children, trust, people, lol we have the same views on everything but I am just trying to get him to understand the love and intimacy Christ wants us to have. God has so much planned for Nathan and he has given him such a good heart. I think God has placed me in his life for a reason because God has a calling on Nathans life and I think he wants me to pull out the best in him(Nathan). God works in mysterious ways. Nathan has a good heart it just took a while to get to the center of it. I think it is bound by a lot of hurt and dissapointment by humans, which is all the more reason for him to cling to Christ because God has unconditional love for us and he is always there for us, no matter who or what bad things happen to us. People of the world will continue to ALWAYS fail us, but the love of God is FOREVER!

why do people get so angry?

About a month and a half ago me and one of my bestfriends Terrance got in a pretty huge arguement. It all started at like 11:30 on a friday night. First we started talking about our purpose in life and I told him I feel called to Missionary work and he was like no you don't know what God wants bla bla bla he doesn't just speak it into your ear! and I was like no but I gave him a verse that says if you need wisdom ask your generous God and he will give it to you, he will not rebuke you for asking. and he flipped out! The point of me telling him that was that if he was unsure about his calling in life to ask God to reveal it to him. But instead he flips out and starts yelling at me about how I don't know anything about the bible and I shouldn't be quoting stuff I don't know anything about and how it has a deeper meaning than that. So we ended up getting in a heated discussion and I said how God is unchanging Malachi 3:6 and then he said that God didn't write the bible but I told him he annoited people to write about him and he said how do you know and I explained that Exodus 17:14 says how God commanded Moses to write and it was just rediculous.. we argued until 4:30 in the morning and the next day he says to me, "I knew you were right, I just didn't want to be wrong because I felt you were belittling my knowledge of the bible" I was so shocked! I couldn't believe all that time went by for no reason just because he felt like I had offended him when in reality I was trying to encourage him!

The hardest thing ever.

today sucked so bad. ugh. I had to break up with Nathan today. I like him so much, we have sooo much in common. He is like perfect for me. But God keeps telling me no. I don't know why, I just know that there is a reason why I feel that way and everything happens for a reason. I have to have my WHOLE heart in Bolivia. I can't be split in two. I just checked my myspace and facebook and he already changed his status to single and it really sucks cause I hate this. But I know there is a reason, I dunno why, but I know I had to do it. I mean I can still hang out with him, we are about to watch a movie together, but he said he has to talk to me about something so that kind of makes me nervous :-? I wonder what it's about? I dunno, this just sucks... ;[

Priorities

Priorities are so important in life and I think they are the hardest thing to keep... It's so easy to get sidetracked from your priorities, especially in college. Lately my boo is getting me sidetracked. I'm not blaming him at all, but him just being himself gets me sidetracked lol. I really like spending time with him. We have fun, and time just seems to fly by. Last night I planned on us doing a devotional together and I thought it would take like 30 minutes but it ended up taking a hour! It was really fun though because we are reading a book about Dating with a PURE passion. In the back of each chapter it asks you personal questions about your faith and how you feel about what you just read. It's really good and really fun. But my room, lol, it a desaster and my mom is comin in tomorrow so it has to be like spotless! :-\ haha annnnd I was definitely slacking on my study skills but thank the Lord I got a 90 on my CLST exam and a 98 on my EVAN.. but I just need to get it together. I'm not doing terrible, but I could do better. :D

Nathan

i dont need me a basketball player.
all i need is somebody that is down for me.
and he dont have to have money, his love
is just like honey, its so sweet to me.
he can have everything in this world,
but he sacraficied it all for me
and i've made up my mind, and it feels so real.
and i know that he wont break my heart,
and i know that we wont ever part, its time
time for us to settle down & i, wanna be
with him forever. They can say that
I am crazy, for making him my baby,
but its how its gonna be. see i've done
been through many changes. Its gonna
stay the same. I can have everything in
this world but I'll sacrafice it all for him.
& I've made up my mind. I'm in love this
time and it feels so real.

Oh baby please, I need you, so believe me
I do, and every little
thing that you do baby. They dont know
how i feel cause i know this is real.

The best and worst things about being 18

I think the best thing about being 18 is not having to work. I know not all 18 year olds are not able to NOT work, but for me this is the best cause I have worked since I was 16 5 days a week a least so for like the past 3 years I have worked all the time.. But in college I don't have anytime for anything.. especially work! All I do is do homework or study lol and go to church of course.. I love it here. Another plus is being able to travel and see different countries. Like I'm going to Bolivia next semester and I know one summer I will be doing a traveling ministry with kids in Cali and overseas and another summer I will be going to Guatemala for 2 months so I'm excited anddd I want to go to Africa before I graduate. :D The worst part of being 18 would be that my emotions go from high to low multiple times throughout the day and you are searching and trying to create the person you want to be the rest of your life. you have to make decisions about your friends, moral choices and stand firm in your beliefs without your friends influencing your decisions.

How does a day.. go bad?

Haha, I think this is the best topic EVER... How does a day go bad? Some days you know you just wake up and your realllllly tired and that can just set it off! and it seems to me that it's those days where you lack sleep that are the worst. you have mood swings, your irritable.. Most days like this start off being tired and escalate to bad hair. Forgot to do some kind of homework... missing breakfast. Late to class. Boyfriend gets an attitude. lol the list goes on and on. these are just a few examples of how my day can start off badly...

This past week

I dunno I am kind of at a stand still. I feel like I haven't gone to church in 12 years and I feel like I'm not doing bad, but I'm not doing any good either. I want to how can I say show my christianity towards nate and place God first in our relationship... I told him about this book I want us to read together yesterday and How I want to put God first in our relationship and he agrees. I think he is still a baby christian, even though he has been in the church pretty much his whole life. His parents are Christian and they are nice, but they don't live it out everyday you know what I mean. I'm not knockin his parents at all cause I think they are awesome. I just know that God has bigger plans than that for Nathan. God doesn't like to be put in a box like ok I will take God out when I am at church, or when I am at convo.. you know he wants to be out of the box and walking with us ALL THE TIME! God is sooo amazing and I want to walk with him all the time too! I just feel like a lot of my thoughts have been focuse on Nathan and not so much God. Soo we are gonna have to clear this up and get me and Nathan on a good start, on the right track to successfully walking with God :D

My Mom

My mom is my best friend and she is my hero. My mom has always been there for me through all the good, the bad, and the ugly. i know you are probably thinking "and? so what? ...Mom's are supposed to do that," But these days not very many do. My mom has always made sure I had everything i need and more. growing up she didn't have much but somehow she managed to provide everything and more for me. I can't remember the last time my mom just went shopping for herself. She would come in to work early, leave late, and work saturdays, just to ensure that I had everything I wanted. My mom has worked her butt off for me and she is in debt up to her neck because of me. whenever something comes up like college bills, doctor bills, or really anything that I need help with she is there to back me up, even when she knows she can't afford it. Also, my mom has stuck beside me through all my rebellion. she has never given up on me. some parents get to a point where they can't take it anymore and just say "oh, i don't care what my child does anymore!" but not my mom. My mom stays strong in the hard times. She persiveers through everything, no matter what. My mom has taught me a lot about life. Shes taught me how to be independent so that i can also stand on my own two feet.

My comfy place...

In someones arms... I know I probably shouldn't be writting this is my blog. But it's true. like... speaking of Nate. haha um I feel so much comfort in his arms. He's tall, handsom, has a ROCKIN BOD! lol and when he holds me... ugh I could just melt. Nothing is more comfortable than being in the arms of a man... I don't know why I feel that way I just do. The second best thing is eatin My Mom's grill cheese and spaghetti O's. haha It's my comfort food. It's the best thing to eat when you are feeling the worst.. that and ice cream, DUHH! lol Another place I feel, not so much comfortable, but happy... is at the Haven of Hope Orphanage in Santa Cruz, Bolivia. It's the best place in the world... I can't think of anywhere else that could bring me more happiness than when I am there. It just sucks when I am there in the fact that I can't see or really even talk with my mom.. But I love the kids sooooooooo much. I can't wait til this christmas!!!!!!!

North Carolina

What, what! lol I am in Pilot Mt., NC. at Nates house with his fam. his mom is really nice; we talked last night I am trying to convince her to let Nate go to Bolivia with me for Christmas. It would be totally AWESOME! lol I dunno I kind of have mixed feelings about Nate. He is a nice guy, very good looking, smart, ambitous, he has a lot of good qualities... but, sometimes I feel like he can be very selfish. But I dunno if I can blame him, His mom does everything for him so he never feels like doing anything for anybody and he always wants somebody doing something for him. Maybe I am passing judgement too quickly. We have only been talking what like 2 or 3 weeks? When I met him, what attracked me to him what the fact that he seemed to care about others.... but I dunno maybe he is just joking around with me when he says he doesn't want to do anything. I dunno I guess I have to give it time. I still have a lot to learn about him. I like Nate, I do; however, I dunno if it could work out for the long run because of that selfish quality that I see [whether or not that is really true, it might not be] but another factor is he has so much potential to run intimately with and beside God but he is settling for neutral. We have had many talks online about his beliefs and where he stands in his heart for his love of God and it is deep. Sometimes it is just hard for us to show it. like this weekend I really haven't been the best example of a God fearing woman myself. Me and Nate kissed and I'm not even his girlfriend... what kind of example am I setting? what am I showing him? Not Christ who dwells in me, but my own flesh. which isn't good. I just don't know what to do... I guess we will just coast and see where things go from here.

Nate... again :D

lol I love the title. haha Um so last night me and Nate were working on our english homework together; we met up at like 7:15. I thought it was just gonna be a quick 15 minute thing but I ended up hanging out with him until 11:50 last night!!! We had so much fun! I was trying to see his feet cause he always cracks on my little pinky toe. So, I was trying to take off his shoes and somehow for like the next hour or 2 I spent falling and pushin him down the hill and chasing him around. It was so much fun lol I felt like I was a lil kid again chasing boys around the play ground haha. Then some how I ended up wrapped up in his arms? and I really liked it. I talked to him about a couple different things and there a lot of great qualities about him. Like he brushes his teeth twice a day, goes to the dentist every 6 months to a year. He knows how to do laundry correctly! lol Um He's been through a lot, he's not perfect but um He's really cool. Sometimes I feel like shy or nervious around him which I dunno why cause I never feel that way around anybody but um I dunno. I like him but I dunno if he is someone I should date or not yet. we will have to see...

Paragraph evaluation

Throughout my revising process I have changed specific details and punctuation using my handouts from class. I was not able to do any specific changes from a peer review because my document would not properly submit to comment so no one could leave comments on my paragraph. I think that comment is a really good program and it can help you tramendously improve your writing because you are getting comments from your peers on how they view your writing. Sometimes if it is just us reviewing a paper we tend to be blinded and aren't able to see our own mistakes.

Just on my mind...

Well I dunno I think I seriously might have manic depression. I still go from extreme highs to lows. Like just yesterday I was in a really good mood pretty much ever since I got on the plane to come home but now I just feel like I have nothing to be happy about. I have been thinkin about Terrance a lot. I missed him this weekend :[ lol He is like my BFF and I really didn't think I would miss him as much as I did. I have been really mean to my mom for like no reason. I dunno why I do that, she does so much for me. Like she has no money and she took me shopping sunday and spent like 300 dollars on me! I dunno why my mom buys me all this stuff when I don't need it but she does... and thats why I love her. But I dunno I think she is starting to get hard of hearing or something everytime I'm on the phone with her she repeats what I say but she hears the wrong thing. I just don't understand and it really irritates me and I get an attitude with her and I feel bad about it but sometimes I can't help it. plus I'm on my rag soooo I dunno.

I HATE FLYING!!!!!!!!!!!

So I wrote about all the crap that happened to me on thursday wellllllll todays monday and the airlines SUCK!!! My flight to NYC got booked at the last second so now I'm stunk in Fort Myers airport typing up this stupid blog and doing homework for the next 20 hours! My flight doesn't leave until 4 and gets to NYC ca 7 then my next flight doesn't leave until 10:15! Which means I won't get in the car and be on my way home until around 12 and it takes me 2 to 2 1/2 hours to get to Lynchburg from Richmond. Which means I will get no sleep! THEN I have to get up at like 6 in the freaking morning to go to this STUPID court date!!!!! FOR THIS STUPID TICKET I GOT!!!!!!!!!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm so freakin mad right now! and I have 2 FREAKIN STUPID MID-TERMS THIS WEEK AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED STUDYING FOR!!!!! I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN! actually I kinda already did when Artie was here because I feel so stressed out! RAWWWWWWRRRRRR

Humberto

Is this not the most precious looking kid ever?! This is Humberto, He is an orphan in Bolivia. I can honestly I don't think I have ever loved a child as much as i love him.He has truly touched my heart and soul and I will never be the same ever again. He is just the most happy, amazing, beautiful child I have ever seen or met. The sad thing is not only is he an orphan.. His mother beat him so badly that he has scars on about 60% of his body... It's funny how God shapes our hearts and minds to be softer to certain things. Some people have been down to the orphanage, had fun, and never returned. But me, I never want to leave. I love Bolivia, I love the orphanage and everytime I go it just tugs at my heart and I have to go back. I dunno if this will ever subside until it gets to the point where I just move there! lol But I have just been contemplating like.. How could I adopt him, and there is just no way now I have nothing prepared at all, but It's just like when you see a wonderful child like that in that kind of position and you grow a bond with them, you can't let go.. I can't wait til Dec. 23rd!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday

Today is Saturday. I woke up this morning at like 8:30 which is pretty weird concidering I went to bed at like 2 in the morning. I stayed up late online talkin to Terrance about salvation and how once you are saved you are saved forever. Never to get sent to the fires of hell. but his thoughts were you have to ask for forgiveness after every sin or you will go to hell, even if you are saved. Which yes, you need to ask for forgiveness for all your sins, BUT it is not required to enter heaven. Or else God sending Christ to die for our sins would be pointless. But anyways, I woke up early so I was like Ok, I'm gonna do my devotion and start on some of my homework... NOT, didn't happen. I am bein such a procrastinator at home. I have two MID-terms when I go back to school and I haven't even started studying! Which is HORRIBLE!!! and very irresponsible so I am gonna have to get it together here. I will study today after I get back from lunch with my BFF Bianca! and then tonight at like 5 I have to go pick my mom up to go to my Papa's house for dinner. Oh and Nate made me upset yesterday cause I called him and he didn't pik up, so a few minutes later he calls me back and I started talkin to him about this youth group thing I went to and then I was trying to get everything out of the car so I was like hey let me call you bak in 5 minutes. So I called him when I got settled in the house like 5 minutes later and he didn't pick up the phone... So he writes me this e-mail at like 11:30 and He's like sorry I didn't call you bak. I'm at a social event with my friends but you can call me if your still up and you get this message. So I just responded yea, I'm still up. I don't care about what he was doing but he could have just picked up the phone and said that instead of waiting 2 and 1/2 hours and writing me a e-mail? .... but whatevaaaa

Home...

Home has had it's upsides and it's bad sides... I have been having some great things happen and some not so good things. I have slowly started leading My Dad and My bestfriend to Christ. but As for my mother, she believes in him, But she refuses to move her feet because she is listening to lies of the devil. She doens't understand why God doesn't protect innocent children everyday that are getting sexually and mentally abused. But I gave her mulitple reasons and examples and she still doesn't believe thats right, but she continued to say nothing I would say would make her see that that is ok. But as far as My dad, He has taken a complete 180. He has started reading the Bible and is trying to understand Gods calling on his life. and he is leaning on God and not his own understanding. As far as my church life, I got offered a job at the orphanage that our church is responsible for in Bolivia after I graduate so that was pretty amazing. I am really concidering and I think I will live there. I CAN'T WAIT TO GO THIS DECEMBER!!

Thursday

SO Thursday I basically spent the whole day traveling. My day started at 5:30 I got on the road headed to Richmond at 6:30... I get on 460 for no lie, like 15 minutes if that and I spent the next 20 sittin still in traffic. So I was like ok I'll just turn around get off at the next exit and i will stop and ask em where the nearest exit is so i can go around the traffic. Instead I get off and it leads to another highway and another highway and then I'm lost sobbing on the side of the highway. Finally I get back on the right way. I get to the airport at 10:00, My flight leaves at 10:25 so I'm freakin out. I get there and They tell me my flight was delayed.. So I get on my plane at 11:30 and I get to NYC and My connecting flight to Fl was canceled. Thennnn I go to get my new ticket at the counter and I try to explain to the lady that I already have a reservation for the next flight and a seat and everything but she can't find me ANYWHERE in the computer supposedly so I tell her how my dad works for the airline bla bla bla and this puerto rican lady that works there comes marchin over yellin at me about how I need to go to the service desk and I'm out of control and I need to calm down. I was seriously about to smack her. In conclusion I walked away and got my ticket on the flight and I finally got home safely after 11 hours of traveling!!!

Nate

Sooo this is Nate, You might now him from our english class. lol. Um, We have been hangin out the past couple days. He's pretty cool. At first, I was attracted by his character in class something about him just screamed nice guy! lol so we talked on Facebook about the bible and shared some of our testimony which was really awesome because I've never really talked to someone like that before. Then we hung out at the game this saturday and I was like yea he's a nice guy but he seems a little shy...and I'm the total opposite. Um then we hung out and watched a movie last night on the hill which was pretty sweet. and Today we talked for a while in between classes and then we ended up goin to eat at sonic for dinner together and spent like a hour talking n hanging out. Afterwards, I thought you know maybe he's aight.. lol but I still didn't feel like I would take it anymore that friendship.. Then.... tonight we went to see a movie together, I dunno if it was him or just bein in that atmosphere lol but He was sitting beside me and everytime a scary part would come I would like grab his arm, [cause it was right there! lol] and the first time was no big deal... but the 2nd time I was like dang, he has really nice arms! lol and I just kept thinking like DANNNNG lol I dunno. I guess i'm forming a crush but I dunno I need to find out more about his character in depth and his beliefs, he has shared with me briefly, but I would have to hang out more to tell. BUT either way we're not dating this semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDD Just fun eye candy and fun to be around :DDDDDDDDDD

Youth Ministry

I dunno what it is, whether it is my teacher or the major I don't like. I have Youth Ministry on Tuesdays and Thursdays. In the beginning I thought the class was exciting and my teacher was really funny. But now I find myself sleeping in class and rolling my eyes at his lame jokes. All he does it tell jokes all period long and I feel like it is such a waste of my time. When we do take notes we are simply filling in the blank and I believe his intentions are to talk somewhat about the subject but he always gets way off topic in his jokes... It gets really irritating. Today for the first time I seriously fell asleep in his class and when I woke up we were on the same page of notes we were on when I fell asleep!!! Not only that but I just feel the topics he is bringin up are kind of repeptitive to me. I already know all this stuff. I was thinking about getting a minor in youth. But I definitely think I am going to reconcider!!

Song of Solomon

So this Friday I went to the Song of Solomon's conference. I ended up only going Friday and not Saturday but I will get to that in a moment. Friday was amazing. I really enjoyed Matthew Chandler at Convo and at the Conference. He is a really great speaker for people our age; he makes things fun and exciting. I never knew song of songs was such a beautiful poem. I never knew there was stuff like that in the bible to be honest! It was so beautiful how he talked about his wife and their first time sleeping together and how he just adored every bit of her. Matt really explained how sex after marriage is suppose to be; nice and slow. How spoke in detail on each chapter and talked about how detailed Solomon explains his wife and her body. But I was really upset that I didn't get to go to the 2nd half because of my friend Terrance! We stayed up on AIM argueing about the Mosaic authorship of the Pentateuch!!! I waisted 10 bucks!!!

SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES

There is a huge cause of STD's in the world and it comes from unprotected sex. So many teens, and adults have unprotected sex. Some say "Oh, its just this one time, what's it gonna hurt?" WRONG! I recently read statistics in the book "Battlecry for our Generation" by Ron Luce that says everyday 8,000 teens in America are being infected with some kind of sexually transmitted disease. How scary is it to know that everyday 8,000 teens alone are infected. Thats 56,000 teens a week contracting an STD. It continues to say that this year, nearly 3 MILLION teens will become infected. Another cause is unprotected foreplay. Just rubbing genitals against each other can cause you to catch a STD.

FAILED RELATIONSHIPS

There are several reasons for relationship failure. Some of those reasons being selfishness, sin, or frequent arguements. Because of a persons selfish desires, they seek out for solely their own pleasures; therefore the other persons desires are not met. Sin can also lead to failure of a relationship. Once a couple has sinned the Holy Spirit will eventually convict them; thus they will eventually end the relationship because they will realize that, that is not pleasing to God. In addition, frequent arguements can lead to a break-up because when a couple's arguements become frequent it is usually because they are not made for each other. Either because they are complete opposites, or they have different views on life, morals, values, etc.

STRESS

There are many reasons people can get stressed. Sometimes people get stressed because of work, school, friends, family, and relationships. Work can cause you to get stressed if you have a deadline coming up in two days and you haven't even started working on it yet. The consequence would be that you would most likely not be able to sleep well, nor would you be able to think clearly and precisely. The same can happen with school work. Friends, Friends can cause you to become stressed in different situations.

SOCCER!

So I started soccer last tuesday and our team is THE BOMB!!!!!!!! lol We won last week 2-0 and we won today 3-0. I started out the game with like a negative attitude cause as soon as I went in, I didn't know who to call out and the co-captain started yelling at me. Meanwhile she had been playin the whole time knowin that she could come out for me, but instead of doing the nice thing she starts yellin at me. I was like uhhh hold up! I was getting real mad you know and then I was like na she ain't worth it so I went to walk off and our real captian said she had came off for me. So I was like ok Thank YOU! The girls name is Kat.. mane she was just rude you know. But anyways I ain't gonna dwell on that cause in the end I played defense and I felt a lot more comfortable and I did really well. I saved the ball by head butting it in the other direction and the majority of the team was like "YEAH! SAVANNAH!!" lol That made me feel really good. I love soccer so much I just wish I was a little better at it but you know practice makes perfect so I guess I will have to start practicing on the weekends and stuff. But overall I had a lot of fun! :DDDDD

I'm soooooo tired

Man! I am so tired! Me and Terrance stayed up last night til 3:30 in the morning talkin about all kinds of stuff. What happened was, I took a nap on Sunday because I had nothing else to do so I fell asleep for like 2 hours and I couldn't go to sleep last night. We talked about the Bible and our friendship. Past relationships all kinds of stuff. I got lucky today though. My first class GNED was canceled so I came back up to the room and went to sleep for another hour! Then I got let out of my SPAN. class about 30 minutes early, then I had O.T., and then my last class CLST got out 30 minutes early too! So I went to get a massage by Kathleen at Hot Spa Salon off of Timberlake road. Normally I just relax and fall asleep but today we talked the whole time. She told me about her family, her daughter, and her past and present relationships; I told her about my family and my parents and stuff and how I was going to Bolivia. It was a nice time. Then tonight me and Terrance went to get some hot wings at Macados they were pretty good. 29 cents a piece, not bad at all our bill was like 8.15! and we had 20 wings. But anyways I'm really tired now so I'm gonna go to bed!

September 23rd

Today was a pretty relaxed day. I woke up at like 9 this morning, I had the room all to myself since thursday night because my roommate left for richmond this weekend. It was really nice to have the place to myself. Um.. I went to campus church this morning to continue the series of the book of Hosea. I really like Johnnie Moore, he is a good preacher. I met James and Terrance there and I was gonna sit there with them but I just felt like I had to go down on the floor this morning. I think I will sit there from now on. I feel like I can worship better there. Afterwards I went to lunch with Terrance and James. Then I went to the East Campus Clubhouse to watch football. I forgot that we could do that. I love watching football so that was fun. Also I played pool there with this guy Justin and his friend Mark who I spanked in pool lol I dunno how cause he's pretty good but I did. Then I came back to the room to take a nap, which i thought was gonna be like 20 minutes and it turned into a 2 hour nap! Hopefully I can go to sleep tonight! Well I'm gonna start on my oral presentation for spanish class on Wednesday!

BOLIVIA!

This is going to be my new family. lol I am going to be living in Bolivia from Decemember to May next year!! I can't believe it. And I'm going to Argentina in January too. Excited would be an understatement. I just got all my living and traveling arangements made. The first two weeks I will be doing missionary work with my church. I will just be traveling a lot! Its really crazy the way God moves us and the people he places in our life at certain times. I know God has great plans for me while I am there and I hope I accomplish them all and really hear his voice. Bolivia is an amazing country and I just really hope that I am able to stay focused on my school work while I am there too. I will be enrolled in the DLP. I probably will be taking like 5 classes which is a lot. But I'm taking 7 now so I know I can do it!!!
I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today

Ugh, well Today is going ok so far. I think I did really well on my revising my homework for ENGL I am learning a lot. I just got out of Youth class. Today I knew that we were going to be working in our groups so I was going to sit at the bottom of the class with my group, but as I was going to sit down Chrys summoned me to the top. lol I am trying to keep my distances with him because I know if I were not at this school he is a kind of guy I would interest myself in. Hes cute and has some-what of a fun personality, we have a lot of fun together when its just me and him. But he is too caught up in the world and doesn't really have a relationship with God at all..He was messing around in class so I grabbed his hand so he would stop. Which I don't think that was the best idea ever cause we ended up holding hands the majority of class :-/ I gotta stay focused and stop worrying about guys!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH lol

TOMORROW!!!

Tomorrow is a full month that I have been in college! I can't believe it! I have A's so far in all my classes which for me that is amazing!!! Today was kinda a "sucky" day... I woke up and was stressed because I had a test this morning and didn't get to study last night because I had a soccer game [WE WON!!], a Spanish Major meeting, dinner with Abby and friends and Hall meeting! So I had like no time to do anything so I did most of my homework on Monday... I feel like I have soo much homework this week! I really need to start exercising regularly like daily because I was WAYYYY out of shape! But I have like NO TIME. and I really want to spend more time during the day for devotions and quiet time with God. But it seems nearly impossible... Oh and my ticket for Bolivia went up like 200 dollars so that sucks. But I know the Lord wants me there so I have to make it happen... I really believe he will provide for the trip... Anyways um. So far my day went pretty well I am beginning to love my MWF classes! I hated them before haha but not anymore... I need to start studing more of my Old Test. because I love learning it but I don't remember all of it so I need to work on that!!

THIS IS ME!!!

Haha. I love these pictures. I think I have a very, diverce personality... I love to laugh and make people laugh. But I also know the time to be serious. I can be an intelictual and I can be a class clown. I think everyone though should have both sides to them because it helps you get a long with a variety of different people. I took these pictures in december to send to my boyfriend at the time who was away. Just to make him laugh. He thought they were hilarious. I love to have a good time. Growing up in grade school I was always the class clown and sometimes that could be a problem coming from the teachers point of view. I use to get "written up" all the time. I think in 6th grade I got about 20 detentions. which I thought was cool. haha. Growing up now I know that there is a time to be funny... and a time to be serious...

North Carolina: My Papa's

I went to NC this weekend to stay at my Papa's house. It was so beautiful there. The first night I was there though, It was challenging in my faith. The first night I was there everybody was drinking, My cousin, Grandpa, Grandma, and My papa's friend, Tim. I ended up staying up til 1:30 in the morning talking to my Papa about what I believe in and stuff. He kept asking me all these derogatory questions about my faith. But other than that I had a really good time. His house is BEAUTIFUL. It's three stories at the top of a mountain. The 2nd picture is the view from his porch!!! The 3rd picture is a picture of when me and my cousin went fishing at the pond down the road from my papa's house. My cousin caught this fish, I caught a bass but it broke free from the line before I could pick it up :[ Me and my cousin ended up bonding and got what I think was a lot closer than we have been in a long time. I miss the way it was when we were growing up. All of the family was so close and now they are so bitter. I wish we had more times like these where we all got to get together and stay together.

Money

Money is a big issue is college because it can be very expensive. Not only do you have the burden of getting all the loans you need, but you also have to think of where you are going to live, the food you are going to eat, gas, and other misculanious expenses. I have been here for 3 weeks so far and I have spent around $1000 just on buying things for the room, going out to eat, and gas. I have taken out around 8,000 dollars in loans. Next year I plan to move off campus just for the fact that it will spare me from 500-800 dollars less than what I pay for on campus living, living on campus you have parking tickets, reps from room checks or from missing convo... all kinds of things. I have already gotten two parking tickets each costing me 30 dollars, all because I parked on the wrong side of P-1. I think it is unfair and just a way for the school to make more money off of us. Which is sad because there are a lot of people who could be going to a school for a lot cheaper than going to school here, but because we want a christ-centered school we have to pay thousands extra? Am I right when I say this is this wrong? I could go to ANY PUBLIC school in Florida for FREE. But instead I chose Liberty and I will spend half of my life paying it off.

Social Life

I think students consider social life a neccesity, and to a certain extent it is. However, when that becomes your main focus in college, then it becomes a problem. For me, it became a problem. Even though it is three weaks into the school year, God has already brought it to my attention that I need to focus on Him because that is what I came here for. I was hanging around the wrong group of people and when I started to witness to them, they took as like disrespect? So glory be to God that those people stopped hanging out with me because I'm sure that if I were to continue hanging out with them, I would be totally sidetracked. It's so important in college to realize what your priorities are. They are not your friends, your boyfriends, facebook, or money.... but your walk with God and your education. Hopefully most students did not just come here to make friends because that is not where God wants us. He wants us to solely depend on him. When you start worrying about what your friends think or how they are going to look at you when you raise your arms in church... that is when you know that you either need to just dump those friends or make news one.

Facebook

I think facebook is really annoying. I have a facebook account and a myspace but it really becomes addicting. I hate the fact that everytime I get on a computer the first thing I wanna do is check my facebook. Facebook consists of e-mails, compliments, and peoples heads getting big about it. Everybodies gotta post new pictures because they wanna see how many comments they get or see how many people will tell them how good they look. Facebook is also bad because you got all these stalkers looking people up tryna find out where you live and stuff. Thank goodness they got a way were you can't see peoples profile unless your friends with them. But sometimes you can still look at peoples stuff like if you are in the same network as them most of the time you can look at their profyle without being there friend. One other thing I hate about facebook is that it is just another way that people gossip about other people. Like Jenny says oh my gosh did you read what Suzie wrote about you on her wall?!? Its just rediculous.